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All of our freedoms in life come from responsibility; the more freedom we get the more responsibility comes with it. Respect is a byproduct of the action of responsibility. Respect is what the world sees, and what draws other responsible people to you; other people with more freedoms to offer.
Respect also shows maturity, which gives us a clear avenue of how much we want to participate with them.
In the practice of boundaries, we get to look at all these little pieces as we assemble our puzzle of who and how or what is our inner circle, and why it’s so important to be active, and in charge of that circle.
Remember, a healthy relationship is fluid, and in the constant movement of change. The honor of being in someone’s inner circle is shown by physical respect, emotional respect… “That” which builds trust in all its forms.


What’s In The Mix?

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When we want to understand the finer details of karmic connections:

When we are looking at a potential partner, and asking ourselves about all those little things as in “do we match”. How is it that we want to see and or feel? We often want that “click”… We want something gentle, and somewhat easy.
Truth is we can have all that, we have to decide that we are worthy of asking for what we want, and not just taking what we’re given. Return it if it’s not exactly what you want! With relationships we have to have eyes wide open as we go through a check list of needs, or we’ll find karma and or nature filling in those gaps where we’re not paying attention.

Our karmic life path for each person has a very specific flavor; very specific issues that we’re working through… Knowing what your karmic issues are is acknowledging where your emotional challenging places are. All those places where we run from issues that life demands of us because they’re just too scary to deal with, those are our karmic life issues.
When we get together with another person, we are mixing those two flavors, yours and theirs. And not just with relationships… Business deals, friendships… Anytime we are in action with another person this combination will show itself.

The person in the relationship with the most intense karma will also have the strongest influence in any given situation. So if you’re in a business deal, and the person with the gentlest flavor happens to be the one doing the talking, then the karmic expression of that deal will have the influence for the outcome. This is “what’s best for the team” comes into play, and from this what kind of outcome is desired. However, if the two of you are doing something like buying a house together, the outcome of that purchase will come from that combination unless one works the deal.
So if you’re someone who’s looking at the details of karmic connections and desired outcomes, paying close attention to what’s in the mix of those amazing personalities people carry will be time well spent.


Lost and Found

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When a woman is looking for a new partner, what she is looking for is “a man that will fulfill every need, and heal every wound”. And to her she “believes” he should already instinctively know that he is here to provide this.

This creates huge discord in relationships! Because 1) whether she likes it or not this is completely off his radar, and 2) she is being completely irresponsible with her hurt emotional needs… Conscious or unconscious. Men and women are SO incredibly different from each other, that when we come together that joining needs to be so very gentle.
This is something all women do that can be very subconscious. Younger women do this, however by the time they reach their 3rd part of their lives they’ve started to move away from this.
Men need to learn this about women, because this is 90 percent of the reason why at the end of relationships she is so mad that she is taking most of what he owns, and is shredding his character for all to see. All because she will never speak out loud of this. Women are incredibly secretive, even to themselves.

(I know I’m repeating myself) A healthy balanced relationship is one in which she or he is responsible by following their own happiness, and the other person is along for the fun. A hurtful wound can ONLY be healed by the person in pain. Through communication the other partner can facilitate the emotional support. However they can not ever DO it for you, you will have to cross that threshold for yourself.
This practice of being the master of your own direction will also give her more vital energy, and focused attention longer into her life, because her precious energy won’t be spent on so much dread, and “here we go again” failed expectations.

Men need to read this, then process this, then reread and process deeper. Men need to know why there is such a thing as a “dog house”. For it should be seen as a blazing red flag that something is amiss; some discord in the relationship that needs immediate attention FOR BOTH PARTNERS TO LOOK AT!
Digging into lost and found, and adopting this lifestyle with this practice of always being the one in control of one’s own happiness (regardless of relationship status). This will in itself heal, and naturally take care of it. Because for me my pursuit of happiness is always my first thought, and it is this action that produces the consistent empowerment in all my relationships, more so than anything else that I can think of… Well maybe more with my practice with God.
This practice is best learned from our parents, something that has been taught and become natural, and is continued as we step out onto the world stage.


Being in Tune with Your Partner

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Everyone has something that they put themselves into, a passion, a hobby, a career… Being in-tune with our partner is knowing what they need to thrive, and supporting them in making that happen. This makes you the most wanted person on the planet. However this has to be equal on both sides; if (she) is supporting his career then he needs to at the same time support something for her that has her feeling equally inspired. When there is equal support being expressed, there is a lot less resentment. This practice is consistently on going, and like good wine it gets better with time. This pours into all forms of life; personal, sex, family, home, friends, financial, spiritual practice…
She loves to tend plants, so I build flowerbeds. She processes some of her life through color. So she picks out the color, and I paint the room. And when she crashes emotionally, she knows the consistency of my gentle strength is there for her support. Happy partner, thriving relationship. Being in tune with your partner is knowing when you need to completely stop what you’re doing, and give them your undivided attention. Helping her to process by supporting her to be the best she can be, in her language, and at her speed. He knows she knows what she needs, he doesn’t have to guess. It helps him that she is able to ask directly for what it is that she needs, and not have that need hidden obscurely in some unrelated conversation. She has his attention while asking for that need so he can hear it well enough to repeat it. By repeating it out loud he will better remember it.
What women need most is for men to be present; giving her his intimate attention, and not because he wants sex. Because he also wants “that” from her.
For her: he will slow down, step out of his comfort zone, and actually listen to who she is and how she is. The feminine loves to process out her issues by talking it through. So by listening well enough, he can begin to understand the difference between when it is that she needs him to fix a problem, and when to just be present. Being present is giving her your full undivided attention without trying to “fix” anything; it’s non-active yet she has your full attention for her emotional needs, even if it’s just to listen. So this means turning off the TV, turning off anything that may distract you from whatever her needs are.
For him: she will step outside of her comfort zone, and to reassure and guide him through his own emotional mind field. The masculine tends to be private, and off by himself with his emotions. So by listening to his silence, she can better support his need for emotional clarity.
Men tend to be loud, even though he seeks quiet and solitude, he uses non-verbal communication. Women are very quiet, even though she seeks company and likes to chatter, she tends to keep things secretively to herself. For a meaningful and enriched relationship they will both want to learn to step outside of their comfort zones, then use their face to face words in gently describing what they need. It’s the quality of relating that needs practice. Daring to express with clarity and depth.
Intimately knowing her love language, the culture she’s accustom with, the family dynamics she grew up in, what her personal growth curve is, her spiritual goals, and out of all that learning what “she values from me” different from what “I think she needs”. Then being supportive in that field.
The instincts of women is that they are information gathers, and supreme nurtures, and that’s what makes them so valuable to men. The same would be said for men: beyond his protection he also provides the space and vehicle for her creativity. The more he knows about her, and is consistently attentive to her needs, the more valuable he becomes as a mate to her.

It’s equally important to study their shadow side, to be clear that it’s something you can live with. Knowing how they deal with anger, and more importantly how they deal with you while angry? What are they’re trigger points, and how angry is angry? Do they blame, or do they take responsibility for their own direction?

My blessings to you…

Be mindful of your own sense of personal boundaries. Give as much as you’re willing to give, or the resentment will shred what you’re trying to build. Follow the happiness of what you’re providing. Pace yourself, we’re not building Rome in a day. A little goes a long ways. However be very mindful of the Plans and Promises that are spoken of.
Remember: this needs to be consistent all the way through your relationship. The quality of what you did to win (her) heart in the beginning of your relationship, needs to be consistent all the way through to the end. When she says “I do”, it keeps going. When you stop, the relationship and her trust begins to unravel. Women need this support all the way through their lives for a healthy relationship, just like how the masculine needs physical and emotional attention all the way through his life.
Cheating mostly comes from not being consistent all the way through. Somehow there is a belief that once they say “I do” the work is over. So if it is “work” to you, it would be wise to think very carefully before saying “I do”. Because as she is walking out the door with everything you own, that is the consequence of being inconsistent. So know yourself, and know them.
Know their love-language, because if he speaks a different language than what she needs to experience, she won’t get her needs met. The love-language that your partner needs, needs to be something that’s easy for you to give. This is part of “do we match”? And if not, then it’s necessary to find a balanced way of receiving that need through another avenue. This is always done through communication with your partner, so they are in on the discussion, and part of the decision.
The love-languages are:
words of affirmation, (affection)
physical touch,
acts of service,
quality time,
and gifts.

When choosing to open the door to a new relationship, it helps greatly to be mindful of the first intention set for that union. He wants a sex partner, she wants a traveling partner, he’s looking forward to the spiritual clarity, she wants to start a family, and so on. It’s that initial thought behind the reason for starting a new relationship that gives such power to it’s influence.
If you are in an established relationship, and you want to change it’s flavor and direction. To do so the both of you will need to sit together, and come up with a “mission statement” or “quality of life statement” that better matches this next faze of your (hers and his) life.

Part of what makes each relationship different has a lot to do with the mixing of his and her karmic life lessons.
If she has challenges with the flow of her abundance, and he has issues with people taking advantage of his good will. That combined relationship may feel heavier if you let those issues push you around. Having the perspective of pushing through those karmic issues; those challenging moments, and not allowing them to slow you down. Then your combined karmic life will move with greater ease.
Can a Karmic Relationship Work?

Plans and Promises


100_1392Something all men need to remember: women hear everything you plan to do and file it away in their minds. So as the relationship continues, they are looking for you to fulfill that promise, even though to you it doesn’t seem to be a promise, and when it’s not fulfilled she begins to loose faith in you as a provider. This is an automatic emotional response, as part of her instinctual behavior, and part of how women process information in relationships, and NOT something she can change.
Part of how a man pulls in a woman on a date, is by sharing his ideas and plans for their union. Everything that is spoken out loud with her, needs to be produced. This includes all ideas of doing things, going places or owning things. A man who is a good provider will always perform the plans he speaks of, and this in turn will build a closer connection with her.
When a man shares plans and promises without truly having the intention of actually doing it, he will find himself in the bewilderment of his woman’s wrath, and not understanding where all this resentment came from!? “Well buddy, this is it”.
It is exceptionally important for a man to do what he says he will, or ONLY keep those ideas in his thoughts. This needs to be an active practice for most men, or get used to the idea of living in the doghouse.
However to those in which this action comes naturally, you can skip over this exam, for you have already passed this class.


The Changing Winds


For a problem to be solved, the solution must be of a higher vibrational frequency, then that of which created it in the first place. This is why it doesn’t quite feel as though it’s changed, it just feels as if it’s repeating itself. Quiet your spirit, quiet your thoughts, quiet your emotions until you come to mental and emotional clarity. Where life begins to come back into alignment with love and abundance. We are loosing our patience with our fellow humans, simply because we don’t have a practice of being quiet.
There was a time not so long ago, where we lived and reacted to the movement of Spirit. Listening to the rhythms of the shift in seasons, or watching the animals to see what’s going on in the neighborhood. Our attention to our environment was very different then, then now. Today we have a lot of gadgets and technology that distract us from what is real. A gathering of friends, face to face interactions with people, or acts of exceptional kindness.
Solving a problem can no longer always be fire with fire, that is old-school thinking. Nothing alters a persons fortunes more, then being in a higher awareness. From this expanded view we can see beyond the reactionary emotion, and engage with the wisdom of the Sages. Because when we react without thinking, those around us who are in balance, will only see the fool in us, and this can burn bridges and break down lines of trust. To be taken seriously requires us to put the emotions on the shelf, and calmly bring resolutions to the table.
Being reactionary and fighting fire with fire makes more fire, with it’s loud and angry voices. However, it’s the calm, and collective mind with the answers to resolve that gets the attention. A judge in a court room doesn’t want to listen to you when you’re being angry, he will however pay more attention to a calm voice with a resolution.

(I’m not a fan of political opinions) If we want change in our country (USA), protesting in outrage against corporations that are bigger than our government itself will not change a thing, like a flea to an elephant. Instead be the change you want to see. We often forget that “we the people” are the machine that makes the corporations big. Educate yourself on the world around you; everything from what is sprayed into the air that we breathe, what is smeared on the skin, the food that is eaten… Support or start businesses that produce healthy products, transform your home’s energy needs, use transportation that supports your own best ideas. Every time we let go of the emotional ego, then create something from a higher awareness, that something becomes very successful simply because it has the “perfection of God” in it. 


In Marriage, What Are We Looking For?


021What draws us together and has us fall in love with a person? In observing my fellow bloggers, I see the attraction being very sexual. Then I watch them trying to carve out a practical, functioning relationship that is based on hot, steamy sexuality. What makes a relationship work is temperament in personality, and something that is nearly ignored because the sex is so great. Sex is the bonus and should be the last thing on the list when looking for a quality life-mate. More importantly what we need to experience with our mate, before we say “I do”, is their disagreeable side. Everyone has one, and it’s so important to have a strong grasp on whether or not that is something you can handle for a lifetime.
* How they deal with anger, and more importantly, how they “deal with you” while angry.
* With the conflict: are they responsible with their own emotional reactions by practicing boundaries, or do they insist that it’s all your fault for their unhappiness.
* In the area of sex, some people have a very crude understanding of the sensitivities that need to be shared in sexuality.
* Marriage in the 18 and 1900’s made complete sense, simply because things moved at a slower pace, and it took us a lifetime to process through our emotional issues with our partner. Today, things move so much faster, we process through our emotional issues so much more quickly. Staying in a marriage requires us to have eyes wide open, to build our communicative skills, and to learn as much or more about ourselves then we do about our partner. These are a few of the responses you want to experience before marriage.
* Relationships have a modal that they follow: first is the lustful romance; pure chemistry, hot and steamy yet extremely fragile, and designed to pull you both together. Then that shifts into partnership, where 78% of the chemistry fades, and honest love shines it’s radiance. And for some, in our latter years companionship shows it’s true colors. Then there is spiritual love, which about one percent of the worlds population will experience.
An amazing amount of people get married before the relationship has a chance to shift into partnership [up to 9 months], because when it does the intensity really changes; really softens those edges. If you’re someone who loves change, then this will be fun for you.
Very few people have the Will of heart to see beyond love, beyond sex, to see if and where a relationship is sturdy. If it’s not working, then simply bless them and let them go, and continue the search for the right one. Asking the right questions, patiently waiting for the response, and having the courage to only say “yes” to the one that passes the grade.
Every single relation/connection with people has an alignment: if your angry with the world, your alignment with this person is one in which they will mirror to you what needs to be healed. If you fall in love with someone in which “you feel” is not quite right and you do it anyway, the connection will show you why it’s so important to give attention to your intuition/gut feeling/inner voice. Alignment made manifest, and so it is.
A healthy and meaningful marriage today requires eyes wide open. This is not just a concept in one’s mind, this is seeing them act it out. If (he) does not shift his awareness, and curb his actions to match your needs, then it may not be in him to do so. Having eyes wide open means less will take you by surprise.

May your search be swift and true.

Related posts: Relationships, Plans and Promises, Light Bulb, Passions of the Heart, Sexual Energy and Spiritual Energy, Table of Contents, Ego-less Relationship

True Love


True Love is something in you to express, it’s earned by the practice of devotion. It doesn’t happen between two people, it happens within you and therefore it flows out of you.
Within the human heart is the god seed, which has multipal functions. Intuition is one; the knowing of love to be true. Then when you find another person who is as passionate about this as you are, then you have bliss.

If the love and fascination of the other person has the momentum to carry you beyond romance, then it has a profound chance of becoming love. Romance will last about nine months, then it transforms into partnership, and in partnership is where we find staying power.
If you can joyfully get beyond 4 years your chances are better than most for a long term relationship. Unfortunately most people see romance and chemistry as being complete compatibility, when in fact your compatibility happens when you can stay steady while the other person is showing their disagreeable side, as they will with you. If his anger is more than you can tolerate, than it would be said that you’re not compatible.
Everyone has a disagreeable side, and for some reason most people completely avoid it. When in fact that is what you want to see and experience before committing your life to them.

Take the time to “know thy self”. Know where your tolerances are, the quality of relationships you desire, and have the integrity to hold steady to what you want to accomplish in the course of your own life.

True love happens when we know, understand and honestly take responsibility for our own dysfunctional ego. Love is the polar opposite of ego. So if we are expressing love, and we call it true, it simply means we clearly understand that we are not expressing anything associated with ego. Ego is described on the Page Boundaries and Personal Power.


Making Space

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With all our crazy scheduling, running around to one appointment after another, where do we have time for a relationship? America’s work ethic is right next to China in terms of how much time we spend working, and our pursuit of happiness comes second. We think if we work hard happiness will come of it. That’s not so, if you have the joyful laughter inside you from the start, then it won’t matter how much money you make, you will always have a happy experience.
When choosing to get involved in a relationship in this crazy hectic world of ours, it’s very important to make space for that person. Unless of course you’re just interested in a date; a dinner party with friends and you need a date, or dinner, movie and sex with no real commitment. The moment commitment becomes the issue it’s SO important to make space: physical space, half the room is his. Emotional space, you check in with them about your plans with your coming’s and going’s. And spiritual space, freedom of expression.
So often we fill our time with activities, and think our lover is just going to magically fold into our scheduling, or be there when ever we need them. A healthy relationship needs us to slow down, and give it the nurturing support, so it has the space to become a joyful experience.


“Light Bulb”!?

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011When your young [in your teens and 20’s] sex tends to be that god like connection. We find sex is for exploring other people, is for exploring who you are, who you can be, and so on. Then in your 30′s it’s in finding who brings the most joy from it. And finally in the late 40′s and 50′s it’s all about transformation. We come full circle, in that through sex we reconnect to God. We find healing in sex, and we find the flow of abundance in the energy of the sexual orgasm. The irony in it all, is that women in their late 50′s and 60′s begin to move away from sex, while men are beginning to explore those more defined details in the qualities of intimacy through sexuality.
Two things men need in a relationship: sex and attention, and they need it ALL the way through their lives.
A women needs safe, nurturing emotional connections with her lover, all the way through her life
Women are at their prime from the 20’s to mid to late 40’s. Then they begin to lose interest and take the attention off of their husbands, and begin to focus more on themselves, as in career and quality of life.

Young men are all about themselves; adventures in self-discovery. Meanwhile, young women are giving their attention to the relationship with him, and to the family.
Older women shift their attention away from him and the family, and focusing in on their own self-discovery. Meanwhile, older men are settling down, and their focus is turned to the needs of her and family.
So there is a brief moment in the mid 30’s to mid 40’s where they match, and are in sync with each other. Then they become opposite once again.

A woman can have the belief system of the man being the financial provider, so she can be a stay-at-home housewife. Then the kids come along, and she no longer has as much time or energy to give him the attention he needs as he needs it.
Hence, the man cheats on his wife, and has an affair with a younger woman who has the time and energy for giving him the attention he so craves. And after all that he comes back to his wife, because she is the only one who truly knows and completely understands him, and in “that”, he finds her more attractive than the younger woman.

May your blessings be in that you understand this before…

* Why is the younger woman attracted to the older man? Because at this point in his development he has learned how to navigate his emotions, and therefore he’s more centered less reactionary. He’s learned the importance of being present and emotionally available. And he has more practice in understanding what it is that needs his physical attention from her communications, and what just needs to be heard. And that brings us to the other piece of irony in relationships, which is when women are having children in their 20’s and 30’s, they need a man who is emotionally centered, is settled into the home life, and has strong financial stability. All this describes the older man, because at that age the younger man is out chasing adventures.
All this shows us how men and women are so completely unique from each other.
“And I realize not ALL men fit into this description”.
Sometimes women are attracted to the security of the older man because they have “daddy” issues. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just a piece of their childhood experience that was missing, and it’s a process of having that experience that helps to move them forward.
Men can also have mommy issues , as in not letting go. This just means they need more time to process that experience, and for some that may be a lifetime.
There is absolutely nothing wrong about being attracted to an older man or woman, their just a bit more settled is all.

For some women, the moment they have him they want to change him. These are women that are unsatisfied within themselves, and they are trying to change their environment by changing the environment. When in fact what creates “real” change is shifting your personal perception, or modifying your own behavior. In any case it happens within you. He has absolutely nothing to do with it. It’s a hole in your heart that you need to heal. And if you want very specific qualities in a man, then look for the man that posses those qualities first, because he can’t create what he doesn’t have. Men will change only so far for a woman, before they start to crumble under that pressure, and if you persist the relationship will unravel faster than you can say “lickitty-split”.


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