Boundaries and Personal Power

chris&standing stones001This page is full of topics that we will want to address when establishing boundaries. The post Ego-less Relationship describes the mechanics of boundaries.

When we’re not practicing Boundaries and Personal Power in the beginning of a relationship [of any kind], we become enmeshed with the other person, so much so that we often forget who we are, and what our hopes and dreams were [enmeshed or entangled emotionally through love or hate]. This page brings up reasons why we want to create boundaries. First by looking at how we effect others, and wanting a better result we modify our own behavior by looking at these issues. Then we create boundaries to protect those self modifications from those who aren’t quite ready to be emotionally responsible. Self-help; self-love and inner emotional healing becomes self-improvement. This has everything to do with softening the ego, because on a date the enmeshed looks like one dysfunctional ego, trying to get into the pants of another unbalanced ego. When we state our boundaries, we have stepped into empowerment, declaring to ourselves a higher standard of living. Practicing boundaries and personal power from the beginning resembles responsible maturity, and when our partner crashes emotionally, we don’t fall with them. It becomes a win-win.
Ego can create incredible drama in relationships, so the practice of healthy boundaries and keeping the ego in check must go hand in hand for empowerment to be achieved. As we pull away from the dark dysfunctional ego, we find support in the nurturing of the wholeness with one’s self.
“Through the empowerment of boundaries we gain the clarity of insight, to see if and where a relationship is sturdy”.
Over time with practice, we begin to understand what sturdy even looks and sounds like, then we’re better able to pick up on what’s best needed for our own personal direction. Healthy boundaries with honest communications sets the stage for powerful relationships when the two of you are in this together.
Boundaries can also act as a form of shielding to negativity, or simply for people with indifferent ideas from our own.
When one has the concept of the dysfunctional ego, and is actively working with boundaries, then one has personal power. The moment one steps off the path of boundaries, personal power slips away.
When dealing with other people, we learn that the only person we can change in a conflict, is ourselves. Where do I stop and where do you begin. Where do I draw that line of tolerance? Stating a boundary and standing in our personal power is when we say “I don’t appreciate that, please don’t do that again”, or “this is what I can do, and this is what I’m willing to do”, or feeling good about what you can do and not worrying about what you can’t do. By staying on our own side of the street with our hurt feelings and emotions, as in not pushing those feelings and emotions on someone else, and keeping that side of the street clean, can we have healthy positive relationships.
Here are a few street signs to be aware of…

What it looks like when an unbalanced EGO shows up in our relating:
* Ego is represented by fear, its loud and obnoxious, and creates separation between us and anything good in our lives. It’s that nagging voice in the back of the head that says “you don’t deserve happiness”, and that painful feeling of “poor me”.
* Ego says “you have to do something to be safe”. Fear is reaction, it comes from the idea of loosing something.
* Ego has everything to prove and will shred the character of the person that stands before them.
* Ego traps us in the resentments of the past, and the what-ifs of the future. Spirit is the opposite of Ego, and is present.
* Ego wants to own all the toys, be in the center of attention…
* Ego is outer life expression, the relationship of how we want to be “seen” in the world. Connection to God is inner life expression, the relationship of connecting to joy. Ego and God are complete opposite’s.
* Ego is competition, and will go to great extremes to eliminate everyone in the room. Competition is great when it’s done in fun, however, when people and property get hurt over it, then the ego is showing its dark side.
* Being in the space of control is being in the space of ego, because being in control is acting from our insecurities. Letting go of control is stepping into trust (spiritually provided trust, the kind of space you don’t have to make, “that” which comes from allowing).
When we have little to no control over our own lives, then we project that expression in having control over someone else, or micromanaging them.
If your not allowed to receive a compliment from someone else, that is ownership. If the compliment was inappropriate, and she turned to her husband and said “honey kick his ass”, “that” is appropriate. For the husband to act without her permission, “that” is inappropriate, and that is control. Or for (him) to have complete control over where the money goes, or where his concerns are clearly focused on himself, and not on the growth of the relationship – that is control. This control comes from lack of their trust in themselves.
There is no control, there is only being in the flow… Of your positive potential. Acting from control is when we make the other person responsible for upholding our boundaries; they do it for us. Or being in the flow is when we are honoring our God-self within; the boundaries we state come from our own convictions from understanding what our needs are. So know thy self.
* Ego doesn’t believe in God and the flow of His abundance, so to avoid God’s quiet cycles it feels it has to be in control to make things happen. Ego has us thinking from scarcity; the opposite of abundance, and limited, finite thinking. “There’s never enough time, money, love, food… “.
* Need to be right ~ only the ego has a need to be right in any communications.
* De-railed ~ when we’re ungrounded, have stepped off the path, and the sky begins to fall.
* Anger ~ is fear under pressure. Only a fragile ego is effected by the offensive words of others. Anger requires a lot of energy to maintain. Anger is not dealing with emotions, anger is simply a reaction. The continuous expression of anger changes the muscular tension in the face, so you appear tired and discontent.
* Jealousy ~ is a belief that there’s not enough to go around. “If she gives her attention to him, there won’t be enough for me”. When we express jealousy, we are showing to the world that we don’t trust, and how fragile our love is. Jealousy comes from acting out insecurities, the opposite of being in your power. When (she) wants him to feel jealous, she wants him out of his power and in her control. Which is all about manipulation. Jealousy is a signal of dysfunctional ownership and should be a red-flag to anyone striving for the ego-less relationship. Building trust automatically turns off jealousy. So if (he) says he trusts you then shows jealousy, he is then-without words telling you he doesn’t understand trust, and instead really understands control.
*Ownership ~ when ownership happens outside of ourselves, as in ownership of the rights to a person; as in possession. However, when it has to do with “the within of ourselves” it is a positive action of our Spirit. Like taking ownership of our misbehavior, and making it right.
* Possession ~ when people become property, where they go, and with whom. When we say “(she) belongs to me”, that is a statement of ownership and deep mistrust. When we turn that around and say “I belong to her”, it becomes a statement of devotion. And it’s not just about saying it, it becomes a quality-of-life statement. “This is who she is to me”.
* Entitlement ~ comes from power over people, when it goes to your head, and gets lost in ego. Self-righteousness, self-appointed dictatorship that the world owes you.
* The inflated ego ~ seeing itself as better than everyone else.
* Justification ~ when we have an emotional story about how the world works, the subconscious will manipulate reality as to find a way to make that story true, as to justify our feelings. We justify our feelings so we can stay angry, hurt and have our own way.
* Manipulation ~ This is dark ego.
* Comparison ~ every time we compare ourselves to another person, we are looking at our lesser side. Even when we compare ourselves to our own self, we are still looking at the lesser side of our self. Another place where we are looking at our lesser side: “I can’t believe a girl like that would be with a guy like me”, or “I don’t know what she sees in me”. We want to see confidence, integrity, and not this lesser side.
* Micromanaging ~ is an expression of deep mistrust in the world at large. “Nothing is going to happen right unless I do it myself, and because there’s not enough of me to go around, I’m going to make sure you do it as I would do it”. This comes from childhood family trauma.
* Expectations ~ when an expectation is created it belongs to the self alone, when the ego gets involved, that expectation then becomes the other person’s responsibility. When two people agree to something, then it becomes an agreement, and the expectation is still yours and only yours. You created the expectation, now you get to decide what to do with it.
* Betrayal ~ is where we have set ourselves up through expectation to be loved, or be loyal, or… In a very specific way, and it will fail every time because of the egoic experience. Human love, loyalty is loaded with conditions. Because God’s love is “absolute”, and does not exists in the physical realm. Human love is not absolute, it has a shelf-life. (I absolutely trust God in a similar fashion that I absolutely trust relationships, and this is where we fail) Human love requires eyes wide open because human love is loaded with conditions, we don’t do something without a reason. Unconditional love.
* Lust ~ “that” can’t live without, feeling we get in the beginning of relationships. Chemistry; that high, hot and steamy attraction is lust in it’s simplest form. Lust is a reminder that it is the imbalance of love, because lust has us acting unfocused, jealous, and promising more than we have to give.
* Projection ~ When someone else makes us unhappy, and we make them responsible for fixing that problem, “that” is a projection. Putting the responsibility of our happiness on someone else, “you make me feel…”, that’s a projection. When you teach someone about how the world works from “your emotional experience”, that’s a projection. Projecting our feelings onto other people comes from not being able to handle one’s own emotions; everything happens out there, over there, and never in here.
So own your own feelings, and or create a boundary that changes how you participate with them. Know that some people are just going to be angry no matter what you do. So settle into the integrity of who you are, because when they get angry it helps to know that, “that” is all about them, and nothing about you.
Healing back to balance; “balance to me is a bubble where there is no one in there except me, myself and I”. So when we are describing our hurt feelings from a place of balance we are using “I” statements as in “when you… I feel…”. Instead of “you” statements; we are no longer pointing fingers, we are taking ownership.
* Pride ~ where the ego has a great need to prove itself. Ego’s competition will paint itself into a corner where it’s standing alone. Pride will go a step further, and put you in physical harms way to prove itself. “There’s nothing more physically dangerous than the human animal proving a reputation for itself”. If you’re in the vehicle with them, and they suddenly get the urge to impress, that pride will instantly forget that you’re with them. Road-rage is pride completely out of control.
Not to be confused with having pride in what you do. That is an action which is thoughtful, where the other is boastfulness with aggression, and completely reactionary.
* Victim/Martyrdom ~ the ego has to tell a story instead of being responsible. It’s when we get lost in the details of the story, instead of getting to the point then shifting to responsibility. “Can’t be my problem, must be coming from some place else”.
* Being selfish is thinking from the egoic self, while inspiration is activated from our god-self.
* Stories ~ we get so caught up in the “why”, instead of the “what”. The “what” is really short and really simple. “What am I going to do today that is positively different from yesterday”?
* Ego creates walls, barriers, limitations, emotional chaos, and from those ashes if you know how to read the signs it points towards freedom. Ego and Spirit are the only things that are SO completely black or white; completely opposite.
Ego is something that we can not compromise with. Ego’s disruptive function is to create separation endlessly. It will break down, and separate you from yourself so you are a pile of broken little pieces, and still it will endlessly divide those pieces if given the chance.
To change this we have to consciously shift our awareness into love, laughter, joy and happiness. Follow those actions with intention, as a deliberate act until it becomes automatic like a second language.
So instead of telling me the story of what happened, I want you to connect to your feelings that your having about the story. It’s not what the other person did, it’s how You felt about it. You don’t have the power to change another person, however, by shifting your own view of a situation your whole world can change.
“One simple understanding can turn into an enlightened perception”. –C.Snell
(Any part of this that you both want to take on together, you will have results.)

What it looks like when SPIRIT shows up:
* Spirit is represented by love, it’s quiet and gentle, and creates union and harmony with other people. This love brings us into alignment with the ever flowing abundance.
* Innocence ~ is “God in action” coming present within you.
* Love says “I am safe”; as “I am in God”… Out of ego, and in God.
* Love wants to share the light and build the character of the person that stands before them.
* Love is an action, it comes from the stillness of clarity of thought, which in itself is your god-self in action.
* Love frees us from past and future, and gives us the gift of the presence of ourselves.
* Spirit knows that the only one in control is God, and embraces the quiet cycles.
* Wanting peace ~ only the spirit wants peace in any communications.
* Boundaries ~ standing at the helm and being completely responsible for one’s actions in all it’s forms. It’s self-created guidelines that you set for yourself, of the high standards of which you feel for yourself. These boundaries are set against the negativity of the world, so you can follow your bliss. Like doors in a hallway. Some are open for love and happiness, and some are closed to keep out fear, anger, hatred or…
* Back on track ~ standing strong in our personal power we feel connected to our surroundings, life flows easily and effortlessly, and we move through difficult times as though they didn’t belong to us.
* Ownership ~ easy to be responsible with ones emotions, and to keep one’s mistakes on one’s own side of the street.
* Accountability ~ one finds it exciting to receive another person’s gratitude, by their own responsible actions.
* Integrity ~ taking ownership of one’s own mistakes. Following through with plans and promises. Honest disclosure…
* Loving what is ~ loving reality for how it presents itself, without having a need to change anything.
* We are born with only two fears: the fear of falling, and the fear of loud noises. Beyond that all behavior is learned between the ages of 0 to 13, and all behavior can be changed, overcome and healed.
is self-healing, as we heal out of ego’s chaotic dysfunction, and into our best ethical authentic self, or the same as our god-self. Which is our natural state of being.

How to identify all ego stuff: Some of the things the ego is good for are: getting us to the airport on time, or helping us with our taxes, anything to do with numbers and time. Ego loves to solve problems. Ego is essential, as it insists that we grow. Ego binds us to earth… Without it we would be all spirit.
If there is a ball coming at you, ego has you move out-of-the-way. Spirit wouldn’t have you move because Spirit sees you and the ball as the same, as in “Oneness”.
Because the earth realm is all about duality, ego is the opposite of God. Ego’s dark side loves to play with our emotions, and always comes with a negative message; words of separation, what we don’t deserve, and what we must do to get love. Ego is the personality of the mind, as the heart is the personality of the spirit. However, the ego stays with the body when we die. By learning the lessons of ego, we learn what is illusion and what is truth.
So you could say that this is not only a human experience, it’s also an egotistical experience. Ego is not something we can turn off completely, however, by learning how to navigate out of ego and it’s emotions we discover love and its endless flow of abundance.
When someone dies and we feel that deep grief of separation and loss, that’s when we have chosen to identify through the subconscious mind with the ego. Only the spirit [love] knows no separation, then their passing becomes a celebration of their life.

Is it okay to get angry and upset: Yes! However, when we step out into the middle of the street with our feelings and emotions, we must keep it as short and to the point as possible. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements, or “when you… I feel…”. Stay in the facts about your emotions, and out of the story. If it’s more than a sentence to describe one’s anger, then we’ve lost our grasp on the boundary and we’ve stepped back into ego. State one’s peace, then drop it!

What is my responsibility: Everything we say or do; every expressed emotion, every action is our sole responsibility. Earth is a classroom, a training ground as it were for us to remember to learn to forgive ourselves and others, then we begin to see the good in each other no matter what. Through self-love and boundaries brings that into play [makes it possible]. The spirit always speaks from love, the ego always speaks from fear, the one that speaks the loudest is the one you give the most attention to. Choose wisely. Because the quality of your life will unfold from one of these two choices, and you can change that direction any time you want by simply shifting your thinking.

Changing a belief that no longer serves:
A belief is a habit of thought. There is a time and a place to believe in what others say, however, the journey will always cycle back to the Self [you]. In connecting to “the unique you” or “the empowerment that you are”, how do you feel about your belief on other people’s ideas? Change a belief by caring more about the way “you feel” about “your truth”, than you do about the truth or facts that you are observing in others. This is about you connecting to you; it’s easy to believe in what others say over what you feel. So let’s turn this around. Tell the story of what you want it to be; what do “you want”, different from what others think? This is about the story of you and your self-discovery. Read it over and over, keep changing the story to find where it matches your truth; what you feel to be right, beautiful and important about yourself? Soon you begin to believe in your own story. When we change a belief to match our own truth, we ascend into the flow and come into alignment with the gift that we are. Abundance has a way of flowing more easily to us when we are living from our own calling, which is written by our own truth, and shows itself as integrity.

Resentment: Is simply a red flag that something is wrong. Resentment is a signpost that one needs to redefine ones boundaries. Anytime you feel resentment, take a step back and look carefully at how you got there. What was it that you did to yourself, that got you there? “When did I lose trust in myself so-much-so that I allowed you to cross over and abuse me like that”? They [other people] are not here to learn how to make you feel comfortable, you are here to learn how to navigate your own happiness. Then correct the pattern and come back to personal power and the balance of boundaries.
Having a resentment is an opportunity to redesign interactions with others in such a way that you now feel good about it. Your boundaries are your design, your rules. If for some reason you don’t feel good about interactions with others, than change the rules until it does feel good. And if that person leaves you, then it’s their lose, and your better without them! Because the right person will come along who will respect your boundaries, and fill those relationship needs. (If you’re still living with your parents under their roof, then you are living under their rules until you move out. This also applies for business, and the shared responsibilities of social living.)

Freedom to be the authentic self: Is where we want to be in a relationship, because this freedom gives the space in a relationship to breathe, and amazing inspiration comes forth. If you don’t than it is another red flag as to whether or not your on the right track, and the right boundaries will bring you into that alignment. If you’re in a relationship and you find yourself a twisted heap of emotional mess, because you’re not able to completely be your authentic self with your partner. Then it’s time to ask yourself “does this relationship / decision inspire and energize me”? By following the “yes” of that question we step into empowerment. If you are truly comfortable and relaxed in your authentic self with your partner, then that part of the relationship is in alignment, which is most of it.

Take back your power: What does it look like when we give up our power?
When ever we allow or ask another person to make a decision for us. When someone else charts our course for us; back seat driver, or when we settle for something.
Paying attention to the way we use our words, is a work in progress. Learning how to use our words in an effective way. Because when you’re in a sensitive place you’re listening to every word carefully, and when the use of words are out of alignment with the intention behind it, people get hurt. In other words if I say: “I need you to leave because your acting up again”, or “I need space right now, so I can learn why this situation is so difficult for me”. In the first line I’m giving my problem to the other person, and in the second line I’m taking responsibility and being accountable for my problem by stating a boundary. “A boundary gives you the choice to see it in a different light”. The proper use of words can be very powerful.
Empowerment is when we see the wisdom and strength in others, then openly share this with them. True empowerment is followed by or combined with the actions that supports it. When I empower people they want to stand beside me, and when I dis-empower people they want to run from me. When we empower others, we ourselves become powerful.
Self empowerment is taking back your power, as in the choices we give to others about our life directions, and instead standing up for ourselves by making those choices for ourselves. It’s setting a high standard within yourself for your quality of life, that your choosing to lead, and only allowing those who nurture and support this quality, to come into your inner circle. To empower ourselves is to stand strong in our convictions, without pushing those ideals on someone else. An inward declaration, for the self by the self… This is self empowerment. And you may not learn this until your 10 years into the relationship, yet still you stand your ground through the practice of boundaries. Getting married does NOT mean that we give up our precious personal power to the other person; we are still separate people, and yet in a loving committed relationship.
Self empowerment is where we take that same intense love we have for others, and turn it toward ourselves, and in-so-doing keep our own self-love tank full.
The successful victim will always make sure everyone else is in a good place first. Empowerment states, “I make sure I’m in a good place before I help you get into a good place”. By doing this you’re no longer running on empty, you’re 1000 times stronger in being able to help others because your tank is always full. This practice starts with self-awareness, then into self-love, and finally comes to resolution with self-loyalty.
When you feel resentment that your giving too much, take a moment and give yourself a little quality time that refills your tank, and sometimes we need to set a boundary to make sure we have time for that.
It’s not about being selfish or self-righteous, it’s about being responsible with your own balance.
* What is self-love: it’s the ability in knowing yourself, and act on those needs beyond what your lover/friend/family knows to give you. It’s that guarding and protecting of yourself that is always the first thing on your mind, regardless of the fact that you may be in love with someone. Self-love is the ability to have obedience over your faculties for emotional self-control, that fills your sense of self-worth. It’s an activity you set aside for yourself that feeds your inner sense of well-being. Because when we are able to do this for ourselves, we take that responsibility off the shoulders of our lover who is really just guessing about what we need. Knowing yourself, and more importantly knowing what your needs are helps the relationship forward in leaps and bounds. When he is trying to fix her, and or she is trying to heal him… These things hold the movement of the relationship back. So being in control of your own healing; your own knowing of your needs means there are fewer holes for miscommunications.

What is Personal Power: It’s the power to navigate one’s emotional faculties, into the position of being active instead of reactive with all forms of communication. To actively create the circumstances of one’s life in living a more balanced way. It is when we are guided by our own convictions, make our own decisions, and follow through on our own best ideas… Without pushing those ideals on other people. Practicing boundaries gives our lives permission to walk the path of our own calling, and that is personal power. The design of our step, the direction of our reach, all come from the choices we make by the boundaries we create. Personal power is the byproduct of practicing healthy boundaries. It brings back a strong sense of ourselves while also in a relationship, “I am me, you are you, and we have a commitment in this support for each other”.
The idea of “moving as one” is actually destructive, because we burn our personal identity to become at-one-with the other person. You’re in love because you’re both moving in the same direction, and you keep your personal identity through the practice of boundaries, which in itself creates a situation of empowerment from a place of balance. It’s the unity of the relationship that acts as one, your personal identity remains separate. This separateness is the strength of the relationship; where he is weak she is strong, and where she is weak he is strong. When we are the same person there is nothing new to share, and when she crashes emotionally he falls with her… Lending no support. So celebrate in your uniqueness, and create healthy boundaries that supports that growth.
Personal power is the power to raise one’s awareness, you’re no longer governed by the past, or outside circumstance, and bringing about the powers within you to influence the outcome of your life. Boundaries creates a shield that gives your life permission to act on it’s own accord, and as an enlightenment for the growth and happiness of the path of your own calling.
Inserting one’s personal power creates a demonstration to others of the amazing possibilities that can be, and adds beauty and balance to the collective mind, which in itself helps the human-race to progress forward.

Forgiveness: It’s important to forgive yourself for ending up in this twisted heap of emotional mess, it’s important to let yourself off that hook, for this happens to all of us. In the process of forgiving ourselves, it’s VERY important to be non-judgmental. For every time we judge ourselves, we hold ourselves back, and stay stuck in that destructive pattern. Instead, catch yourself, “oh I’m doing it again”, and change the pattern. Forgiveness can only be achieved through compassion.
Forgiveness is giving ourselves / that other person, the change of new beginnings.
“When you no longer have the need to be seen or heard, to be right or to be in control. When the other person is no longer “responsible” for your happiness, or any situation you’re both involved in, then you’ve moved past the issue”.
*Practice of Forgiveness
[Name] I bless you,
[Name] I forgive you,
[Name] I release you.
*Quantum Forgiveness
To Self: I am spirit, my body is only an illusion, it has nothing to do with what I really am.
To Other: You are spirit, whole and innocent, all is forgiven and released.
Repeat this as often as the feelings arise, in a way that brings you back to compassion, and or back to an emotional neutral space. From the book collection -“Course in Miracles” by Helen Schucman, published by Foundation for Inner Peace.

Processing: When we feel over loaded and we begin to crash emotionally, or when ever we lose our cool with another, or when we have a lot going on in our head and it’s difficult to focus… is when we see it the most. However, processing shows up in all situations in life. Giving ourselves and our partners space and time to process through experiences, is a healthy exercise, and can build strong bonds around trust. When we process completely through the experience, we arrive at clarity. And in-so-doing we discover a positive reaction in every conflict.
When we learn to process without being attached to story, “who did what”, then we move to clarity more quickly. Processing requires no thinking. The fastest form of processing happens through the subconscious mind, the action of the person is to remove yourself from the situation, and put yourself into an unemotional neutral space as long as it takes to return to clarity. “Get out of your own way”. When we get stuck in the story of “who did what”, we are stuck in emotional anger, resentment, judgment, and then the pattern gets worse because we are feeding that angry part of ourselves. To choose a loving response, we have to mentally turn off the angry story.
When in a conflict with another, it helps to identify the line between venting and working to resolution. Venting may sink you deeper into the conflict, when this happens take a time-out. Then come back when you’ve processed and have better clarity, and then with a cool head move to a resolution. And it may be a boundary that “I need to come to resolution and not let it slip under the rug yet again”.
While in a relationship of any kind, it’s very important to process with someone different than the person you’re in relationship with. Because when processing, emotions come up, and when we’re processing with our lover there’s an emotional barrier that we don’t cross. For a healthy meaningful relationship that line needs to be crossed when we process, and that’s best done with a friend.
It’s one thing for the person we’re in relationship with to hold the bucket we’re processing into, yet it’s not okay for that person to also be the bucket!!! This is why it’s SO important to have someone outside of the relationship be the one you process with.
* Processing for the masculine: quiet time or alone time, just allowing the tension to flow through you, and without getting caught up in emotional story or judgment, just stay present with the task at hand. Chopping firewood, walking-any physical activity can help the body to process more quickly, and can release emotional tension around issues. This gives the emotional issue a constructive, instead of a destructive expression.
* Processing for the feminine: unloading and chattering to a plant and or quiet time, also physical activity. When unloading to another person it’s okay to get caught up in emotion, as long as that person can guide you through to an unemotional resolve. “Making a decision based on emotion is dangerous in any situation”, for it creates resentment in that decision later. Emotion is what keeps us stuck in the pattern of being angry, because emotion has a tendency to bring about judgment. A space without judgment is to be present, as in the Now; to move freely without resistance.
* If a man and a woman are in conflict, before making a decision: He will support her by listening to what she has to say, because she has a need to talk it out face to face, through the behavior of intimacy. She will support him by giving him the space to go off by himself and process, because he has a need to process through alone time, and through the behavior of independence. Then when they both have a cool head, come back and work to resolve.
* When processing emotionally charged issues that we have no control over: By immersing ourselves in the emotion of it without getting caught up in the story of it, we can then choose to “feel” the experience of it , without engaging in the “expression” of it. By this we burn through the emotional charge, attachment or karma of that connection, and we begin to experience freedom from that issue or person. [sit quietly and just allow the emotion [anger / rage / rejection… ] to flow through you; to burn through you, without engaging in action or story]
* Healthy processing is not about dumping your emotions on someone else. Not about whipping yourself into an emotional frenzy. It’s processing out of the emotions, and toward the clarity of thought. So when you feel life’s pinch, take time to process, and come back to happiness.

Integration: After gathering all that wonderful knowledge, it’s important to integrate that information into your active responses. In other words: put it into active practice. Integration is apart of processing. However, instead of processing something out of your system, go a step further and integrate the experience/information to the point in which it becomes the action that you’re life follows.
After every experience it’s important to take the time to process and integrate what you’ve gone through, so therefore be gentle on yourself as you move through this process.
90% of what we need to process and integrate we do so with little to no effort. For the most part, we must get out of our heads and keep our hands busy. The more that we engage in the problem and not take time to process or integrate, the bigger the problem gets. The term: “I need to sleep on it”, comes from a “knowing” of a need to process and integrate.

Remember, whenever you feel fear ascend on you, or realize that you’re seeing the worst in something. Repeat this aloud or in your mind… “Reality is far more gentle than my imagination” — Byron Katie.

* The first step in choosing boundaries and personal power, is connecting to the beautiful you, to decide that you are your greatest investment, and that you’re worth standing up for. Because once you’ve connected to that “unique you”, it’s then easy to take action for that direction of your life, and in all it’s forms. Practicing boundaries is self empowerment, and once you feel deserving, that energy will give you the persistence you need to follow through.
* Practicing boundaries has a lot to do with Ego, because an unchecked or out of balanced Ego in itself creates incredible chaos. Boundaries are simply a statement of where you start and stop with others. Or a way to keep us out of the fire, from other peoples unsettled emotions. Practicing boundaries is a way to keep our emotional ego and interactions clean when dealing with other people, and a way for us to step out of the soup of drama [anger, resentment, shame, regret…]. Anytime we choose to drift in life, and not pay attention or take responsibility for our personal actions, mistrust is created. Life has a way of becoming sticky with drama, and relationships have a way of unraveling. Other-than becoming a hermit, this is a way into the light.
* With a relationship break-up, feeling like crap is the physical expression of the ego at play; it’s that down feeling we get when dealing with rejection, that’s the one time when we can physically feel ego. When we can identify that it’s the ego’s meddling in our emotions, we can then choose to “feel” the experience of it , without engaging in the “expression” of it. Once we do, it takes very little effort to stay on track, and with a far more positive outcome.
* A personal boundary is not something those people around us need to learn or memorize, it’s great if they do remember it, however it’s not their job. Although, it’s your job to remind them if they need it. Maintaining your boundaries is your responsibility, it’s not a job so much as it’s a quality of life, because it’s ongoing. Your boundaries are going to change as you grow and become. So it’s up to you to remind everyone about those changes. [What I mean by “reminding everyone about those changes” is about you becoming comfortable with speaking your needs.] When someone treats you from a lower perspective than that of which you feel for yourself, a boundary is created. And you may not learn this until your 10 years into the relationship, and still you stand your ground.
* Having a practice with this may seem difficult and harsh at first, yet once you get moving with it, it’ll soften. The norm is to care for others ahead of ourselves [children are the exception], when in fact that’s the dysfunction that’s created when we’re out of alignment with our true authentic self. It’s all because we have so much fear around rejection, and it’s this fear that has us reacting from dysfunction instead of acting from the clarity of boundaries.
* In conflict: when you’ve changed yourself as far as you’re willing to go [with other people], and the conflict is still not resolved. The last thing you can do, is to remove yourself from that person and or situation. “Surrounding yourself with empowerment means always choosing That, that feeds your soul”.
* When dealing with, or choosing to engage with other people or any situations, ask yourself “does this act / decision inspire and energize me”? Simple yes or no. By asking this of yourself, and following its guidance, you surround yourself with empowerment.
* Anger takes energy to stay angry. Love continuously gives energy tirelessly and without question. Practicing boundaries brings the “we” and “us” out in a very profound way, because by being responsible with our own emotions the dysfunctional drama has been taken away, and what’s left is the deep, rich, meaningful, and clean connection. From this we have the freedom to breathe. It’s not so much about learning to navigate other people’s emotions, as it is about our own. Because the positive shifting of our own emotions is the short-cut in connecting to personal empowerment. It’s not about them. It’s always been about you. Your focus on your true-self/god-self draws in abundance, gentle experiences, love and gratitude…
* Boundaries is a way of holding the world back, so we have the breathable space and freedom to grow into becoming a better person. Then the ego-less relationship begins.

When we love ourselves more than another person can, we learn our value, and that personal value becomes the standard by which all following relationships are navigated. This is a path less followed.

My blessings to you…

Contact me for further discussion.

© Christopher Snell and Earth Connections. Beyond the share links below… Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Christopher Snell and Earth Connections with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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