chris and 4 wheelerAs I observe friends and fellow bloggers processing through relationships, I discover a key ingredient is often unnoticed or overlooked. Trust. Because trust is a core ingredient it bleeds into everything else, and shows up in just about every personal comment we make to each other. For every relationship that says “he’s only allowed to have guy friends outside the relationship”, and “she’s only allowed to have girl friends outside the relationship, or your new lover forbids you to continue to remain friends with your ex”, is a relationship without trust. Not only that, it’s a relationship that dictates ownership, which in itself is a statement of mistrust. And the saddest part of this, is it’s a world-wide standard. I for one, have been in a relationship that does not reflect these issues, and it’s become my new standard.

Understanding ego and it’s dysfunctional behavior, then how to slow it down, gives us room to breathe and explore love in its higher forms.
Unconditional love is an ingredient that is understood conceptually and through the intellectual mind. VERY few people understand it well enough to practice it. Unconditional love is eternal trust in action. It starts with the Self… that trust inside you. When you create something this wonderful inside you, you want to protect it. So you say “only those who will help me protect this will be allowed to come in close”. This becomes a standard and a personal boundary. If we are in relationship or married to “the one”, why do we allow them to cross that line? When did we lose trust in ourselves bad enough to allow them to cross over and abuse us like that, this creates mistrust again and again? This comes from lack of, or bad boundaries. It’s not about them, they are a mirror of where we are with our standard… our personal boundary, and our trust issues. When (he) says “You are the reason I feel bad”, they are really talking about themselves. When he says “if you love me you’ll change”, and denies their responsibility in it, they are really talking about their own need for change. Actions also speaks very loud, and gives us a visual demonstration of where they are, and the choices they’ve made. If communication is ignored, then one has misplaced their trust, and it is up to that person to find it, or chance loosing what they have. Relating to a spouse as “the old ball and chain”, or anything of the sort, is another place where trust is diminished.
The feminine needs an emotional support and connection for balance / trust, the masculine needs a physical connection for balance / trust.