This is an exercise for both involved. Take time to understand what the Ego is, and just how it interacts in your life. The Spirit is the polar opposite of the Ego, and learn how That interacts in your life. The ego is not something we can turn off like a switch, for it is a huge part of our human experience, so we learn to tone it down. On my page “Boundaries and Personal Power” I explain the ego and spirit, and its crazy interactions with us.

The number One thing that makes all relationships work is “to know yourself”. Because how can you give when you don’t understand. If I want different results in myself or in a relationship, I know I have to be different to get something different. I can’t behave the same way and get different results. So show up, pay attention, be present in the lessons of life, and learn how you are by who you are. Pay attention to what you do different from what you say, and the truth will set you free.
It’s all so true that we each have a responsibility in keeping our eye on the ball, for without focus the relationship can drift, and come unraveled.
Communication: if we can’t talk about the tough issues that push our buttons, then it’s going to come unraveled.
He is responsible for his emotional ego, and she is responsible for her emotional ego. Take your eye off your own ego’s issues and put it on your partners issues, and the relationship begins to unravel. The care and welfare of your partner, (by consequences of your actions) is your concern. This is what I like to call “the dance”, knowing what part is your responsibility and what isn’t.
* If I have issues with the laundry not being done, that is my issue.
* If I have issues with my partner not calling to check in, that is my issue.
* If I have issues with a party going on when I have to get up early, that is my issue.
Remove my dysfunctional ego, and I will always find the grace in relationships. Ego will disrupt a relationship each and every time. Having realistic, healthy boundaries will clear up ego’s shenanigans. However, if I change myself as far as I’m willing to go, and the conflict is still unsettled. Then I can choose to remove myself from that person and or situation, and at that point if they still want me in their relationship, they can change. Any time we say “I” have issues, than that issue belongs to “I”. Only you can know what it is that “you” need moment by moment. Only you know what “you” need to be happy, everyone else is just guessing.
All resentments are red flags for us to re-examine our boundaries with our partners. Resentments tell us that we have gone too far, as in “I’ve given too much of myself”, and I need to either slow down or step back.
YES, relationships take work! If you think you know your partners rhythms, remember, everything is subject to change.
Find contentment in yourself, for all those places where your partner has their own dysfunctions. If they have a dysfunction around something, and they have always been behaving in such a way, why do you expect them to change? So find contentment or step out.
If you both fight and argue more than 50% of the time, then you need to reconsider why your in this relationship.
Before marriage, take time to observe how your partner deals with anger, and more importantly how they deal with you while angry. 98% of all young marriages that fail do so because they haven’t learned how to navigate emotions yet. That all comes into alignment in the late 20’s and early 30’s.
I know this is just the tip of it all, however, in my observations of all those around me, including my fellow bloggers, this can give solid stepping stones to follow. Relationships have been a focus for me all my life, and for me, this is common sense.
Continue on the ego-less relationship.

May loves bountiful bliss, be along the path you follow.

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